As parents, we all want the best for our children. But we often have various slip-ups, as when we get unnecessarily mad and raise our voices as we insist on our teenager to clean his or her room after endless coaxing. It’s typical, to say the least, to lose our temper now and then.
But whatever it is our children do that triggers fits of anger among us—from tantrums to whining and nagging—it’s important to keep in mind that our own reactions may be manifestations of our own feelings in the past. These could be the stirring of our own traumatic memories, which we’ve to let go. Think of it as reliving negative patterns and overcompensating for times we ourselves were hurt.
It’s crucial to find the core of our own issues and examine them thoroughly. Often, the way we react to our kids’ misgivings are our unconscious acting out of our own parents’ personalities. And we’ve to come to terms with this; we’ve to make sense of our own story if we are to avoid playing out negative patterns we’ve kept from our own time as children.
Act; don’t just react. Take a moment to consider what our kids really need and cultivate more empathy. Our kids are not simply our extensions but their own individuals. We can neither pressure them to be like us nor project our own shortcomings on them. This is the starting point of understanding and true nurturing.
Jonah Engler is a parent and teacher based in Brooklyn. He looks up to world-changers like Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and the Dalai Lama. For more of Jonah’s writings, visit this website.But whatever it is our children do that triggers fits of anger among us—from tantrums to whining and nagging—it’s important to keep in mind that our own reactions may be manifestations of our own feelings in the past. These could be the stirring of our own traumatic memories, which we’ve to let go. Think of it as reliving negative patterns and overcompensating for times we ourselves were hurt.
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Image source: lifecounselingorlando.com
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It’s crucial to find the core of our own issues and examine them thoroughly. Often, the way we react to our kids’ misgivings are our unconscious acting out of our own parents’ personalities. And we’ve to come to terms with this; we’ve to make sense of our own story if we are to avoid playing out negative patterns we’ve kept from our own time as children.
Act; don’t just react. Take a moment to consider what our kids really need and cultivate more empathy. Our kids are not simply our extensions but their own individuals. We can neither pressure them to be like us nor project our own shortcomings on them. This is the starting point of understanding and true nurturing.
Image source: andrewscottlinder.com
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